I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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