Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He called his prostate his "boner button".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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