would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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