His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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