Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
