I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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