Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
