Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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