But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
