I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
