I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
