He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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