never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
