Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
