The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
