Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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