I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
