Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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