I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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