PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
