I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
