conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
