Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
