I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
These tits shall not be calmed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
