Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
