Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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