I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
