i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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