My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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