did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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