i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
