Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
