you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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