My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
