I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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