You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
