When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
