I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had to cum in my sink.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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