I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
operation harelip BJ is a go
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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