so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
