So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
