I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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