you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
