The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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