No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize