Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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