I can't breathe out the right side of my face
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
