we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize