you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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