i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
