If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
