Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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