the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
