I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
