I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
