so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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