we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
its not stalking. its research.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
