??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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