Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
