In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
