the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
