My balls are so social today.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
