At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
